Squirrel Death Poll
OK, so I was thinking about this.
Let's say you drag a large trash can out to your backyard and fill it halfway with water. You take a foot-long length of wood and you smear large gobs of peanut butter all over it on all sides. You place the trash can under some low-lying limbs, and you toss the wood into the can so it's floating on the surface of the water.
Eventually a squirrel will pick up the scent of the peanut butter, climb a bit up the tree and onto a branch, and see the food source. He'll leap from the tree and straight into the trash can. According to "www.squirrels.org," "swimming is very strenuous for a squirrel, and it's not done unless absolutely necessary." So, presumably, after some time, the squirrel would drown.
The question is:
How many squirrels can we expect to find in the trash can if we come back a week later (assuming an infinite supply of exploratory suckers)? The answer has to be somewhere between one squirrel and a nearly-full trashcan of squirrels. Will the second squirrel see the dead first squirrel and decide not to jump? Will the second squirrel even be able to see the first squirrel, or will the first squirrel be at the bottom of the trash can rather than floating? Fuck it, do dead squirrels float or sink? This is for you to find out and report back to me.
BONUS: Assuming the trash can is approximately three feet in diameter and four feet tall, and roughly the shape of a perfect cylinder, calculate the maximum number of squirrels that can drown. Don't forget, one the squirrels reach a certain height, they will be able to keep above water by standing on the dead squirrels under the water level. I know what you're thinking: what is the volume of a squirrel? How am I supposed to know? Go grab an Encyclopedia Brittanica and a TI-83 and get cracking!
DOUBLE BONUS FOLLOW-UP: What is the most efficient arrangement of squirrel bodies necessary for achieving the maximum number of drowned squirrels? Or, to elucidate: suppose you were sending your Aunt Mildred who smells like dust a large cylinder filled with squirrels. What would be the best way for you to pack them? To earn this double bonus followup, you must create a photorealistic and anatomically correct sketch of your dead squirrels in your proposed arrangement, scan your sketch, and post a link to it in my "Comments" section. Please note that blending or any other form of altering the normal and intact squirrel shape are not eligible options.
***How to submit your answer: Click on the button below that says "(#) comments." Then at the bottom of the page, click "Post A Comment." Then sign your answer in the big box on the right side of the page and follow the instructions there.***
EDIT: OK, so there are some extra assumptions you can make:
-Once a squirrel jumps in, he can't balance on the wood and he will fall into the water.
-The trash can is made of metal and there's no way for a squirrel to climb out once he's fallen in.
-The peanut butter never wears off or gets eaten by bugs, and the block of wood will always float. The board isn't wide or long enough for a squirrel to balance on it.
Let's say you drag a large trash can out to your backyard and fill it halfway with water. You take a foot-long length of wood and you smear large gobs of peanut butter all over it on all sides. You place the trash can under some low-lying limbs, and you toss the wood into the can so it's floating on the surface of the water.
Eventually a squirrel will pick up the scent of the peanut butter, climb a bit up the tree and onto a branch, and see the food source. He'll leap from the tree and straight into the trash can. According to "www.squirrels.org," "swimming is very strenuous for a squirrel, and it's not done unless absolutely necessary." So, presumably, after some time, the squirrel would drown.
The question is:
How many squirrels can we expect to find in the trash can if we come back a week later (assuming an infinite supply of exploratory suckers)? The answer has to be somewhere between one squirrel and a nearly-full trashcan of squirrels. Will the second squirrel see the dead first squirrel and decide not to jump? Will the second squirrel even be able to see the first squirrel, or will the first squirrel be at the bottom of the trash can rather than floating? Fuck it, do dead squirrels float or sink? This is for you to find out and report back to me.
BONUS: Assuming the trash can is approximately three feet in diameter and four feet tall, and roughly the shape of a perfect cylinder, calculate the maximum number of squirrels that can drown. Don't forget, one the squirrels reach a certain height, they will be able to keep above water by standing on the dead squirrels under the water level. I know what you're thinking: what is the volume of a squirrel? How am I supposed to know? Go grab an Encyclopedia Brittanica and a TI-83 and get cracking!
DOUBLE BONUS FOLLOW-UP: What is the most efficient arrangement of squirrel bodies necessary for achieving the maximum number of drowned squirrels? Or, to elucidate: suppose you were sending your Aunt Mildred who smells like dust a large cylinder filled with squirrels. What would be the best way for you to pack them? To earn this double bonus followup, you must create a photorealistic and anatomically correct sketch of your dead squirrels in your proposed arrangement, scan your sketch, and post a link to it in my "Comments" section. Please note that blending or any other form of altering the normal and intact squirrel shape are not eligible options.
***How to submit your answer: Click on the button below that says "(#) comments." Then at the bottom of the page, click "Post A Comment." Then sign your answer in the big box on the right side of the page and follow the instructions there.***
EDIT: OK, so there are some extra assumptions you can make:
-Once a squirrel jumps in, he can't balance on the wood and he will fall into the water.
-The trash can is made of metal and there's no way for a squirrel to climb out once he's fallen in.
-The peanut butter never wears off or gets eaten by bugs, and the block of wood will always float. The board isn't wide or long enough for a squirrel to balance on it.
posted by JMR at 1:50 AM
11 Comments:
i don't want to count your damn squirrels. i love math, and the idea of calculating the volume of a cylinder appeals, but i'm no sucker like your squirrels. i'd think that squirrels would smell the awful stench and stay away. and the garbage can would also be full of dumbass bugs that get stuck in the peanut butter and eventually drown. plus you gotta wonder how long it takes before all of this gets moldy and somehow decided to magically self-implode.
Question 1:
Well there is clearly no solution to this problem. There are several unidentified factors in this problem which can drastically affect the solution. While the length of the wooden board tossed into the trash can has been stated, its width has not. Therefore it is impossible to determine whether or not the board is wide enough for a squirrel to climb upon. This is very important since we know that squirrel cannot swim according to www.squirrels.org but they can climb very very well. A second unidentified factor is the type of wood the board is made out of. Of course we all know that various species of trees have different densities. The density of the board is needed in order to calculated whether the board will continue to float or not once 1 or more squirrels are standong on top of it. A third piece of information that we need to solve this puzzle is simply the coefficient of friction of the trash can. Is this ia metal trash can or one made of synthetic polymers? Is it new or worn down? This factor must be known in order to calculate whether or not the squirrels ara able to climb out of the trash can.
As you can see, the information given in thie problem is incomplete and therefore I deem that it has no solution.
-steve
i will valiantly accept your challenge and in my next post, i will have an answer for you. this is in place of doing important work for which i am still getting paid, but i feel that this is more valuable to society. think of the ramifications if one day, squirrels became like rabbits or mice. there would be trillions of squirrels eating all our peanut butter and we would need not only a way to trap but to efficiently store and ship them. i applaud you for asking a valuable question scooter and vow to return with an answer. sadly, as i do not have a scanner, you will have to trust that i made a diagram which i will show you at a later date. until then, keep up the good fight against those bastard squirrels
sadly, this was easier than i expected. squirrels apparently can float when dead. it's an odd search string to find it out though. if you google "dead squirrel water," you will come across what might potentially be your inspiration for this question. another blog presents this situation, see: http://www.coopertechnical.com/?p=17. very odd. since the squirrel floats, i doubt that other squirrels would jump to their impending doom. if they did, you could only get a couple more squirrels in that water before the space is filled. the other questions are irrelevant than. sorry scoots.
Patti: Thank you for raising a valid concern about peanut butter degradation. I duly addressed your concern by editing the original question above.
Steve: Ditto...I have fixed the issues you raised in your response.
Dave: To start, thank you for being the first to address the social and political ramifications of squirrel overpopulation. You have turned my cruel and evil plan into a positive force for change. As for the second part of your response, very good job researching squirrel floatability. Clearly, your CENSA internship has honed your analytic abilities. However, I noted that the experiment you referenced was conducted outdoors in January and that the squirrel in question was "frozen stiff." So, as with any scientific pondering, each answer raises a new question. Is floatability affected by air/water temperature? I'd consider your finding a special circumstance. However, keep up the good work, and I encourage you to delve further and hit us with more conclusive results.
3. 3 dead squirrels. One jumped in and drowned, the second i ran over with my car and threw into the trash can only after beating the 3rd to death with the flattened carcass of the second.
-stonz0rs
maybe we could just fit stoner in there in a squirrel suit. so one. one dead, dead squirrel. one new ferrari for me.
g-stizzle
you're only going to take one of my ferraris?
-dead squirrel stonze
I am a Quaker and I'm morally opposed to your squirrel question. <3, Sharon
as dave first noted, dead squirrels do float... if dave (instead of focusing on his paid work) had taken the time to go the extra mile, he would have noted the following website when google-searching "dead squirrel float water."
http://omega.twoday.net/stories/350314/
in the article, the author states "State biologists are mystified by a mass squirrel die-off that has left more than a hundred dead squirrels washed up on West Michigan beaches." the article was written in october of last year and it is apparent through further reading that the squirrels were in fact, not frozen. thus, squirrels, regardless of their density (as there were hundreds to be examined) do in fact float. therefore, at most, you would catch 2 squirrels assuming the 3rd squirrel would not jump in after 2 squirrel carcasses were in the trashcan. but can we base our solution off that assumption? perhaps we need to take squirrel IQ or brain capacity into consideration. are squirrels smart enough to deviate that death is caused by the trash can? also, we need someone to research squirrel behavior. are squirrels samaritans? would they risk their own life for the good of the other squirrels already captured? are squirrels altruistic? therefore exhibiting behaviors for the good of the species?
-Meghan
It's only going to be one squirrel for two reasons. First, squirrels float. Secondly, squirrels smell danger. Why do dead squirrels float? Dead people float, which is why that face down position in the water is called "dead-man's float." And squirrels must be less dense than people for a variety of reasons. The first boring reason is that just as the proportional strength of a spider is much greater than that of man, so too do smaller animals require less bone density to support their body weight. Hence squirrels have more porous bones. Since the rest is just water and mucus, the squirrel is less dense. Also, the kind of squirrel you will kill, either sciurus carolinensis (grey) or sciurus vulgaris (red), is related to the flying squirrel glaucomys volans, not necessarily in the sense of genus or species, but definitely in the sense of being types of squirrel. And if you're related to something that can fly and you can't even float while dead, you're kicked out of the family. So squirrels float.
And squirrels can smell danger on the grounds that my dog, who has a primitive sense of smell as animals go, can smell danger. When she goes to the vet, she knows it's a bad place by smelling the fear-laced dog pee. So if my dog can smell vet-level fear, a squirrel can smell lethal fear. The smell of one floating dead squirrel will deter all other squirrels.
Just to humor you, by back of the envelope calculations indicate that once two layers of floating dead squirrels are present, they will provide a sufficiently firm surface for all future squirrels to jump to freedom. This is probably about 34 squirrels on the grounds that everyone enjoys Fibonacci numbers. To this figure we must add the two squirrels who will die not by drowning but by suffocating on the dead squirrel fumes which are trapped inside the garbage can by virtue of being heavier than oxygen. We must also add the three squirrels who unwittingly prepare to jump at a very unfortunate resonant frequency of the Bessel-function eigenmodes of the shallow-water wave equation in a cylinder. These squirrels will, of course, swamp themselves and drown. I obtain three squirrels who do this by comparing the width of a damped resonance to the commonly-accepted value for the standard deviation of squirrel behavior. So in theory you could end up with a maximum of 39 dead squirrels.
When you send this mess to Aunt Mildred, you should make many planes of squirrels arranged in a head-to tail spiral pattern. If you wrap the tail of one squirrel around the head of the next squirrel you should get a reasonably well-packed (~ 95% space-filling) tesselation.
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