Squirrel Death Poll
OK, so I was thinking about this.
Let's say you drag a large trash can out to your backyard and fill it halfway with water. You take a foot-long length of wood and you smear large gobs of peanut butter all over it on all sides. You place the trash can under some low-lying limbs, and you toss the wood into the can so it's floating on the surface of the water.
Eventually a squirrel will pick up the scent of the peanut butter, climb a bit up the tree and onto a branch, and see the food source. He'll leap from the tree and straight into the trash can. According to "www.squirrels.org," "swimming is very strenuous for a squirrel, and it's not done unless absolutely necessary." So, presumably, after some time, the squirrel would drown.
The question is:
How many squirrels can we expect to find in the trash can if we come back a week later (assuming an infinite supply of exploratory suckers)? The answer has to be somewhere between one squirrel and a nearly-full trashcan of squirrels. Will the second squirrel see the dead first squirrel and decide not to jump? Will the second squirrel even be able to see the first squirrel, or will the first squirrel be at the bottom of the trash can rather than floating? Fuck it, do dead squirrels float or sink? This is for you to find out and report back to me.
BONUS: Assuming the trash can is approximately three feet in diameter and four feet tall, and roughly the shape of a perfect cylinder, calculate the maximum number of squirrels that can drown. Don't forget, one the squirrels reach a certain height, they will be able to keep above water by standing on the dead squirrels under the water level. I know what you're thinking: what is the volume of a squirrel? How am I supposed to know? Go grab an Encyclopedia Brittanica and a TI-83 and get cracking!
DOUBLE BONUS FOLLOW-UP: What is the most efficient arrangement of squirrel bodies necessary for achieving the maximum number of drowned squirrels? Or, to elucidate: suppose you were sending your Aunt Mildred who smells like dust a large cylinder filled with squirrels. What would be the best way for you to pack them? To earn this double bonus followup, you must create a photorealistic and anatomically correct sketch of your dead squirrels in your proposed arrangement, scan your sketch, and post a link to it in my "Comments" section. Please note that blending or any other form of altering the normal and intact squirrel shape are not eligible options.
***How to submit your answer: Click on the button below that says "(#) comments." Then at the bottom of the page, click "Post A Comment." Then sign your answer in the big box on the right side of the page and follow the instructions there.***
EDIT: OK, so there are some extra assumptions you can make:
-Once a squirrel jumps in, he can't balance on the wood and he will fall into the water.
-The trash can is made of metal and there's no way for a squirrel to climb out once he's fallen in.
-The peanut butter never wears off or gets eaten by bugs, and the block of wood will always float. The board isn't wide or long enough for a squirrel to balance on it.
Let's say you drag a large trash can out to your backyard and fill it halfway with water. You take a foot-long length of wood and you smear large gobs of peanut butter all over it on all sides. You place the trash can under some low-lying limbs, and you toss the wood into the can so it's floating on the surface of the water.
Eventually a squirrel will pick up the scent of the peanut butter, climb a bit up the tree and onto a branch, and see the food source. He'll leap from the tree and straight into the trash can. According to "www.squirrels.org," "swimming is very strenuous for a squirrel, and it's not done unless absolutely necessary." So, presumably, after some time, the squirrel would drown.
The question is:
How many squirrels can we expect to find in the trash can if we come back a week later (assuming an infinite supply of exploratory suckers)? The answer has to be somewhere between one squirrel and a nearly-full trashcan of squirrels. Will the second squirrel see the dead first squirrel and decide not to jump? Will the second squirrel even be able to see the first squirrel, or will the first squirrel be at the bottom of the trash can rather than floating? Fuck it, do dead squirrels float or sink? This is for you to find out and report back to me.
BONUS: Assuming the trash can is approximately three feet in diameter and four feet tall, and roughly the shape of a perfect cylinder, calculate the maximum number of squirrels that can drown. Don't forget, one the squirrels reach a certain height, they will be able to keep above water by standing on the dead squirrels under the water level. I know what you're thinking: what is the volume of a squirrel? How am I supposed to know? Go grab an Encyclopedia Brittanica and a TI-83 and get cracking!
DOUBLE BONUS FOLLOW-UP: What is the most efficient arrangement of squirrel bodies necessary for achieving the maximum number of drowned squirrels? Or, to elucidate: suppose you were sending your Aunt Mildred who smells like dust a large cylinder filled with squirrels. What would be the best way for you to pack them? To earn this double bonus followup, you must create a photorealistic and anatomically correct sketch of your dead squirrels in your proposed arrangement, scan your sketch, and post a link to it in my "Comments" section. Please note that blending or any other form of altering the normal and intact squirrel shape are not eligible options.
***How to submit your answer: Click on the button below that says "(#) comments." Then at the bottom of the page, click "Post A Comment." Then sign your answer in the big box on the right side of the page and follow the instructions there.***
EDIT: OK, so there are some extra assumptions you can make:
-Once a squirrel jumps in, he can't balance on the wood and he will fall into the water.
-The trash can is made of metal and there's no way for a squirrel to climb out once he's fallen in.
-The peanut butter never wears off or gets eaten by bugs, and the block of wood will always float. The board isn't wide or long enough for a squirrel to balance on it.
posted by JMR at 1:50 AM
11 comments
